Transformation happens when love meets fear.
How do we become more secure in ourselves and more confident so that we can take the actions needed to create the life we want?
Some say that faking it until you make it will make you feel more secure, and others say to change your behavior and try harder.
In my experience the cure to insecurity is actually securing the insecurity, not pretending that it isn't there and certainly not pushing it away or trying to outrun it.
Those strategies might work in the short term, but they will not get to the root of the insecurity.
The question is, are we available to meet these parts of ourselves that feel insecure from a lens of love and compassion, rather than from an energy of fear and needing to change them (aka rejection)?
When love meets fear, that the sweet spot where true transformation can occur.
Here is a 4 step process that I do with my clients to help them move through insecurity, build confidence, and go for their goals from a place of true confidence.
✨ 1. Find a resourced part of you.
To do this you can think of a moment that made you smile, or a person that you love that makes you feel loved and seen. Then notice where you feel that resourced energy in your body. Take a few moments to breathe into it and embody the energy of love and acceptance.
✨ 2. Notice where in your body you feel insecurity or a contraction.
Common places include your gut, your throat, or another area of the body and just notice the sensation as pure sensation without judgment. Breathe into it for a moment and simply allow this energy to be there without a story of where it came from or what it means about you. This is simply a pattern of energy, and not who you are. Feel it as a pure sensation without the story.
✨ 3. Now let love (your resourced part) meet insecurity (the contraction).
Let yourself bring your own loving kindness and awareness to the part that feels contracted and stay with it. It helps to imagine this part as little child, a younger energy that just feels scared. The energy will start to move and you will eventually feel lighter as these parts meet and do an energetic tango. This is how you bring your own security (love) to the insecurity (fear). And what's amazing is that this is all within you, an inside-out approach to confidence. You can give yourself this gift without changing anything in your external environment.
✨ TIP: Recognize that this is only a pattern of energy.
As sensations arise, it's important to notice that they are simply a pattern of energy and that they aren't who you are. Staying in your resourced part and not identifying with the insecurity is key. We can allow it to be apart of our experience and have compassion for it, but we do not need to identify with it.
✨ 5. Move forward towards your dreams
From this place of greater wholeness and acceptance, the next time that the pattern of insecurity arises, how can you be with it in a more compassionate way? It's common for things to arise as we move towards our dreams, so in order to ground this new way of being create a practice that feels aligned for yourself in how you can bring compassion to insecurity instead of rejection. This can look like breathing into it and saying “I accept you, thank you” or many other ways.
A lot of times we are insecure and afraid of if people will reject us, or not accept us, but the truth is that fear is just mirroring the fact that we haven't yet accepted and loved this part within us fully. When you do, you will access a whole new level of confidence and wholeness and that is my wish for you.✨
If you'd like to dive deeper into this work, I invite you to apply for a complimentary 1:1 Clarity Session. This is a free 60-minute coaching session where we discover your vision for your future and do a little transformational work around what's been blocking you. You can apply here !
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